Bad Prose from Pro's

Todays episode -
Brian Vs The Map


Valley News Dispatch writer Brian Rittmeyer brings us this:

South Butler County serves Clinton, Jefferson, Penn, Winfield and Saxonburg in southwestern Butler County.

Would that be why it's the South Butler County School District and the Seneca Valley district is over near Cranberry, Harmony, Zelienople Jackson, and Lancaster in the southwest corner of the county?

It's Official

The Pittsburgh Pirates have officially stolen the public's money for the seventeenth consecutive season.

That's seventeen unapologetic years of sub-.500 baseball.

Sigh

Summer's over...

An here we go again.
Good Luck Yellowjackets-Knights-Planets-Raiders-Golden Tornado-Warriors-Gremlins-Rockets.
You're gonna ned it.

Show Offs

OK, I'll give them that one. The Pirates went and won the only game I'll see this season - and did it handily. A 12-2 decision is good in any league.

Busy, busy, busy

And another example of what we call Bad Prose from Pros. This thing reads like a dime novel, keeping the reader guessing for seven paragraphs

Police arrested a 66-year-old Penn Hills man Sunday on suspicion of drunken driving after he allegedly hit three vehicles, seriously injuring one driver.

The collisions occurred on Bull Creek Road at East 10th Avenue. Police were called around 3:45 p.m.

Louis Ziacik, 72, of Harrison, was trapped in the overturned vehicle, a Buick Century, while his 17-year-old grandson, who was not identified, got out on his own. Ziacik was alert and conscious when he was taken by medical helicopter to Allegheny General Hospital, Pittsburgh, with multiple injuries, police said.

Ziacik was in critical condition yesterday evening, a hospital spokeswoman said.

"How somebody didn't get killed is beyond me," Tarentum Officer Mark Glogowski said.

Glogowski said police found a flask of what appeared to be alcohol in the glove compartment of a Honda Civic driven by Louis Kumer Jr. Kumer was taken to Allegheny Valley Hospital for treatment of minor injuries and to have blood drawn for testing. He consented to the blood test but refused to talk with police about the crash, Glogowski said.

Glogowski said all of the vehicles involved were traveling into Tarentum from Route 28.

Here it is - eight grafs into the story the gist of the message - who did it?

Based on witness accounts, Glogowski said Kumer was traveling at high speed and attempted to drive between the left-turn lane to East 10th Avenue and the middle travel lane.

In the turn lane, Kumer first sideswiped a Buick LaCrosse driven by Shawn Mele, 21, of Tarentum, damaging a side mirror. In the car were Mele's wife, Jessica, and their three young children. They were not hurt.

Kumer then hit a Honda Civic driven by Joseph Vedro, 19, of Brackenridge, causing severe damage to its right rear. Vedro was not hurt.

Kumer's car then hit the left rear of Ziacik's Buick, which was stopped at the light in the middle lane, pushing it into a curb and causing it to roll over several


Let's rewrite doing mostly a cut&paste:


Police arrested a 66-year-old Penn Hills man Sunday on suspicion of drunken driving after he allegedly hit three vehicles, seriously injuring one driver. The collisions occurred on Bull Creek Road at East 10th Avenue around 3:45 p.m.

Based on witness accounts, (Tarentum Officer Mark) Glogowski said (Louis) Kumer was traveling at high speed and attempted to drive between the left-turn lane to East 10th Avenue and the middle travel lane. Glogowski said police found a flask of what appeared to be alcohol in the glove compartment of a Honda Civic driven by Louis Kumer Jr. (who) was taken to Allegheny Valley Hospital for treatment of minor injuries and to have blood drawn for testing. He consented to the blood test but refused to talk with police about the crash, Glogowski said.

In the turn lane, Kumer first sideswiped a Buick LaCrosse driven by Shawn Mele, 21, of Tarentum, damaging a side mirror. In the car were Mele's wife, Jessica, and their three young children. They were not hurt.

Kumer then hit a Honda Civic driven by Joseph Vedro, 19, of Brackenridge, causing severe damage to its right rear. Vedro was not hurt.

Kumer's car then hit the left rear of Ziacik's Buick, which was stopped at the light in the middle lane, pushing it into a curb and causing it to roll over several times. Louis Ziacik, 72, of Harrison, was trapped in the overturned vehicle, a Buick Century, while his 17-year-old grandson, who was not identified, got out on his own. Ziacik was alert and conscious when he was taken by medical helicopter to Allegheny General Hospital, Pittsburgh, with multiple injuries, police said.

Ziacik was in critical condition yesterday evening, a hospital spokeswoman said.

"How somebody didn't get killed is beyond me," Tarentum Officer Mark Glogowski said.

Keeping score

Here's a group photo of a batch of folks I hadn't seen in 35 years or so. Way back when we were going to change the world. We didn't change everything, but we have made a difference. A boat builder, a librarian, an engineer, a physician, a journalist, a few stay at home moms, a professor of parks and recreationand the rest. Go Team 60's

Boy, have I goten lazy

or here's another bad writing example:

The fire, the ninth reported in that neighborhood since last month, was reported at 2:12 a.m. in the 3000 block of Merwyn.

As today is the 6th of July, this would seem to indicate there have been nine fires in 5 days. But, dear readers, I suspect that is not what they mean.

More, more bad prose from Pros

From the Valley News-Dispatch:

"Two families were living in the duplex, located less than a block from First Street on the hill above Leechburg Area High School."

Once again - is the copy desk on hiatus?

More bad prose from Pros

From a non-bylined brief in the Butler Eagle:

The commissioners maintain the county's best option someday may be to sell Sunnyview, which is projected to lose $1 million this year, if it can't break even.

I think I know what this is supposed to mean, but....

The smell of baseball is in the air

I'm not so much ready for baseball as I am ready to be done with basketball. The second longest season in prep sports is finally into the playoff mode, and soon we'll all be outside looking at baseball, softball, track and lacrosse.
All well and good - being outside in somewhat fresh air, moving around, working on a tan and getting some flexibiliity back in the bones.
This year we add a twist - the Butler Blue Sox. A semi-pro team which will call Pullman Park home. Oh joy - a season of $3.50 hot dogs passing for dinner. We'll see how it goes....

I'm ready

For the at least the next four years, the United States will have a leader of this generation, rather than from the Fossil Posse.
As ready for change as 21 year olds in 1960 must have been, I spent my vote hoping to give the man the opportunity.
I'm trying to discount race in favor of hope. Simply, the belief that Brack Obama will outperform anything John McCain would have done, and most certainly what Sarah Palin would have fallen into.

Hail to the Chief.

SuperSize Me!

My three month old Korean sedan needs something like these puppies stuffed into the wheel wells. Perhaps the thing is from Southern South Korea and Hankook all-season radials are suficent at home. Perhaps -but, I'm here to tell you that in Western Pa there are indeed four seasons. Summer, early Winter, Winter and late Winter. All Season just doesn't do it. I'm thinking that something like the treads above would be a good choice. Again, we'll see

The return of Bad Prose from Pros

Not having done one of these for a while - in fact not having done much of anything for a while - I 'm providing this quote as a public service.

The Tribune-Review provided this gem;

"The shooting happened in Delaware Township, about 60 miles north of Pittsburgh where the girl remains hospitalized in critical condition."

I can accept the girl being in a hospital, that perhaps it is in Delaware Twp. and that Delaware Twp. is 60 miles north of Pittsburgh, but, I don't believe that's what the writer means.
Giving the Trib some credit, the story isn't bylined, so I suspect it's an AP rewrite. Still, someone should proof this stuff......